Formed in the early eighties as a club band to play at a fund raising party for W.G. Gracefully C.C. Original band members included Dick Coker, Roger Lacey and John Cooper, and they went by the name of "Dirty Dick And The Protectors" after their charismatic and moustachioed front man. Playing a mixture of "Stones", Chuck Berry and Cream they established what was to become over the years, one of the most eagerly awaited events on the Lewes music calender, the famous and much missed "Isfield Follies". After a while their ranks were joined by Mark "Grumpy" Newham on vocals and harmonica and local man Konrad Adamczewski and they changed their name to Konrad and the Kondoms.

In the mid-late eighties (nobody can remember exactly when but I think it was '86) Moose joined the band as an occasional backing singer and soon made it a permanent position, and taking lead vocals on a few tracks.

The following year the band found themselves without a drummer, and with the by now hugely popular "Isfield Follies" looming on the horizon, Paul was drafted in to slap the skins. By this time Moose had taken on more of the singing duties as the set started to get more modern with material by The Clash, The Undertones and Ian Dury e.t.c.

A year or so later a new bassist was introduced to the band in the form of Tony from Rustington, who brought along with him his rather bonkers but enthusiastic girl friend who very soon pronounced herself to be our "official groupie", and supplier of Gary Glitter style shoulder pads.

Tony hung around for a couple of years before leaving to pursue different projects.

This once again left the band without a bass player, and after a good deal of searching and cajoling of some fine musicians, the venerable Andy "Kermy" Banks was recruited to fill the gap in the rhythm section.

now Andy by his own admission was not the best or most natural of bass players, a fact we realised afterd a couple of gigs when ha announced to us, "Do you know, I think I'm doing pretty well considering I'd never played bass before you guys asked me to join the band!". he was also quoted as saying, "I might not be the best bassist ever, but I can't half bollock it out!!!". He also confessed to only joining the band so he could be there when the headline read, "Kondoms split!!!"

But happily Andy grew into a very popular member of our gang and over the thirteen years he was with us provided us all with so much fun and laughter that there is not room on the web to list it all. BUT, the one moment that sticks in my mind, and made me almost involuntarilly pass water, was at the "Follies" one year when while we were bashing out "Honky Tonk Women", the rest of the band were looking at Andy wondering what he was doing. At the end of the song Dickie turned to Andy and asked, "Oi, Kermy. What the F*** were you playing then?" To which Andy replied, "Brown Sugar, just like the rest of you." 

So The Kondoms continued along the Rock and Roll highway until 1994 , when after a gig at Lewes Town Hall in aid of the A27 Action Group, Roger, Dick, Mark and John decided to call it a day. This was obviously a shock for the rest of us to be left without any musicians to play with, and it looked like it could be the end of the road for the band.

For the next 18 months the remaining three of the band wondered what to do about the situation when one night in the Elephant and Castle in Lewes,after a large amount of "liquid inspiration",  we had the brainwave of asking Ric Newth and Jim Healey if they fancied having a go. To our utter amazement they both said yes, and after only four or five rehearsals, the new Kondoms took to the stage in a tent at "The Follies" 1996,  and a new chapter in the band's life began.

Gigs in local pubs, the odd wedding, birthday and the Glyndebourne "Crew Picnic" followed, whilst the new line-up began to find a new bigger following. (Yes, they did perform at Glyndebourne... O.K. it was only in a tent, in the car park, but hey, it sounds good!!!)

The band remained unchanged for several years until advancing years and moving home to France meant that "Kermy" could often not be available for gigs. This is when the mighty Tim "Which one shall I play today" Green joined as an honorary Kondom, filling in, now and then, on bass for Andy. He said after his first gig with us that he really enjoyed playing with us because..."You're not allowed to smile on stage in a Goth band!" . After a while Tim decided that he had so much fun playing with us that he learnt all of the guitar parts to become a fully fledged Kondom playing rhythm guitar.

And so it continued as a six piece until Jim decided to leave the band after fourteen years. We were all sorry to lose Jim, as he had been such a big and positive influence on the band, and always brightened up rehearsals with his Mr Benn impression!! Shortly after Jim's departure, Andy felt that due to his health, living in France and the fact that he is over two hundred years old,  that he too should leave the band.

This was a sad day for all concerned as Andy had been a short, bald, eccentric part of our musical lives for the best part of twenty years.(Quite where he was during the worst part of those years is a mystery, and I suspect he will take that secret to his grave!!!)

Down but not out we regrouped and Tim made the switch back to playing bass while the search for a new guitarist began. For a while it seemed like we would never find one until a chance meeting between Paul and Donna Moseley brought us back into contact with Ben Moseley who all of us had previously played with in the past. Needles to say that Ben jumped at the chance to be a Kondom and off we went again with Ben making his debut at the Pells Pool Party run by Southover Bonfire in July 2009.

All was good until the summer of 2010 when Tim anounced that he was going to have to leave us to concentrate on his other band The Last Cry. (Perhaps they had relaxed the "No Smiling" rule!!) And so it was that the band's appearance at Cliffe Bonfire Society's fantastic festival, Rock In The Bog was Tim's last outing with us. But I feel sure that we haven't seen the last of him!

Tim's departure left us once again looking for a replacement, and it wasn't long before Ben suggested bassist, Kevin "Would you buy a pension from this man" Scott, who is a local Lewes bloke and who fitted straight into the band. 

And that is about where we are now, so if you are still reading this nonsense, and you would like to see the boys in action, just "like" our Facebook page (link is in the bottom right corner) and get updates as to where and when we are playing next.

Cheers, The Kondoms.